I had written a journal for this month, like usual, but scrapped it because once again, I feel like recounting my life is pointless, esp. when it includes unnecessary details. The only reason I even did it is because I feel the need to share my experiences with someone. Since I don't exactly have many good friends to do this with, I type it out and post it here. Even if no one reads it, there's a feeling of relief in doing so. In the new year, I will still post journals, but hopefully with less excess information. Anyway, in place of that will just be a reflection on this year as well as some other stuff.
Someday, I want to make a YouTube channel and talk about various things. A channel similar to this concept is Jake Roper
(who owns Vsauce3
). He either uploads videos of him having a conversation with a friend or just directly addressing his audience. He's funny, but also inspirational. What's stopping me from doing something like him is that I don't really like the sound of my recorded voice. Also, I'm shy, and don't want to speak while my family is around. Perhaps, this will change one day, though, and I will be able to express the thoughts in my head.
Potential with art is something I know I have, but can't seem to achieve anything, partially because I've gotten lazier recently due to media (television, games, etc.). All of these ideas are floating in my mind, but I don't ever try to execute them. Just like religion, my passion for art has decreased. Although it's still there, as I don't think it'll ever truly diminish, I don't know if I can light the fire again. My goal in life is to be successful in order to inspire others. I want to prove it is possible to recover from a period of hopelessness. Next school year, I plan on taking art after not taking it for two years. Back when I was a freshman, I quit the class because I didn't like the teacher, which was foolish of me.
Speaking of school, my decision to remain an extra year instead of graduating early will grant me a little more time to get things sorted, but not much. Simply put, I just don't know exactly what I want to do, which makes it difficult to choose a college. Mostly, I focus on the short-term goal of getting good grades, thus putting off the future.
A new year is a good time for change and a fresh start. I will make resolutions this year, many of which will be similar to the ones I had last year. Looking back, I realize how far I've come and how different I am. Nevertheless, a lot of my characteristics remain the same. As for keeping resolutions made twelve months ago
, that's a dud. While I partially accomplished some, they all mostly failed in the end. Still, it's better to aspire to be better than not to do anything at all. Below are my revised resolutions for 2015. I'm going to try to take a step in the right direction this time instead of a leap like last year.
I will attempt to respect my parents more. Albeit this may take not talking to them at all or not saying much, it will teach me to keep frustrations within. Instead of drawing every single day, resulting in "sketches" with little effort, I will try to draw and continually work on a single piece each month. Watching shows with distinguished characters, as mentioned in an earlier journal, should influence me to hold my ground and speak with more confidence. Shyness will always define me, so I will not try to fight it as much this year. Rather, I will try to make better choices. Finally, college - I really must get a handle on that. That's it. A year, planned out in a paragraph, more or less. It's hard to change, but worth it.
This month, several things did happen, of course, and I will try to give a quick overview. Finals at school weren't too bad, as I exempted some and took some early. While I did cry once and sometimes grew a bit angry, I was mostly average this month, as usual. On the first Monday of the winter break, I volunteered with Bible school peers, and will be doing so again this Saturday. For most of the time off, my brother and I just relaxed and caught up on shows because most shows are having a mid-season break. When Christmas came, our family went to church and ate afterwards, like any holiday. It was decent. The following Sunday, the van broke down on our way home from the city. We made it home, but my father had to get the car fixed. Our refrigerator has been nonfunctional for a while as well. Also, he took me to get my driver's permit, which took up a lot of time he doesn't have.
In addition to the weekly shows I watch, I recently started Vikings
, a cool historical-fiction show. Typically, I don't watch this genre a whole lot, but gave it a shot and like it. After I complete the two seasons, I'm thinking about moving on to Merlin
and seeing if that's a fandom I want to join.
Although I don't read as much as I used to, I did read Blood of Olympus
, the final book in Rick Riordan's Heroes of Olympus series. It was awesome. Next, I'll start James Dashner's (author of my favorite series, The Maze Runner
) new series.
The only games I've played recently are the ones on my phone, which include Doctor Who Legacy, The Maze Runner, Into The Dead,
and CSI: Hidden Crimes
Happy new year and good fortunes to all! Matt N.