I've exhausted the deviations in my Sta.sh, so I hoped you guys liked those. Also, Spartan llama upgrade ftw! Thanks for all the new watches and favorites, too. Anyway, the monthly journal ...
As temperatures gradually decrease, I get a bit more melancholy or deep, you could say. The sunrises are beautiful this season, too. Since I don't have to really worry about the heat and feel much more comfortable, I suppose my thought process just slightly changes. Personally, I like it. At night, instead of burning up trying to sleep, I just sort of have a big think session. It's one of the most comfortable things, in my opinion - the cool night. I'll mentally go through my day, plan out what I can for the near future, and sometimes think about the distant past or future. That's when I get the most deep in thought. After I've exhausted all my thoughts or I'm just tired, I'll fall asleep and wake up with only a hint of those thoughts. When I'm awake, I have school to deal with and don't really think deeply. Still, my mind is always in motion, though, esp. when I have nothing academic-related to do, like when I'm walking home from school.
Now, I've realized that people don't change all that much. The personality I have currently - shy with only a few loose friends - has been like that since I was a kid. Obviously, I've developed quite a lot, but the core remains. My brother is the same - he's always been a bit more active than me. On Sundays, when I go to church and see all the young kids, I'm just think about how they play and live their lives without a care in the world (some of them are quite annoying, too). They have no worries, and I then I think in my head: you have no idea. The same goes for older people who don't care about anything, too. Some of my friends are like this in that they play their card games or go to each other's houses and rarely do their homework. It sometimes amazes me how they're even in the same grade as me.
Before, I said I've gotten used to school, and that's true to an extent. However, everyday, everywhere I look, I see remnants of my underclassman years - people, places, etc. The smallest things can trigger memories. A part of me wants to go back to those simpler times. Usually, I like to think that every year for me is better than the previous because I develop and evolve. This year, I'm not entirely sure. Yes, I'm still in the process of becoming a more whole person, but school has taken a toll on me. Still, hard things build character, as my Spanish teacher used to say. See? I'm doing it again - living in the past. At the same time, though, I'm also worrying about the present and future. We all live in all three tenses to some extent, in my opinion. Anyway, my father is bugging me about choosing a college early, and I dodge his questions every time. I just don't know. All my life, I've focused on earning good grades, but not much else. There'll be people at my school who know what they want to be and where they want to go, and I'm just a bit lost.
Lately, I've become less religious, too. Since I was raised Catholic, it's what I am. It's been such a big part of my life that I don't think I could change it and just deny my beliefs. However, I can drift a little at times.
My family members all live different lives. Sure, we cross paths, but in general, everybody does their own thing. Sometimes, I fail to see them as family and just as people around me. Other times, they put me on edge, such as when we go places with my mother. Her actions can be embarrassing and/or undesirable.
I feel like I'm a control freak, as plan stuff out, but if someone, such as my parents, change it, then I can get upset and want to yell at the world.
For the first time in awhile (months), I did some personal reading (after having to read a lot for school). The book I read was Steelheart, which was awesome. This showed me that I could rid of those times when I had nothing to do in class by going on my own adventure. At home, I just don't read as much because of technology.
After watching countless shows, I've realized that I usually like shows with a specific type of character, which is the intelligent and eccentric type, like Sherlock (Elementary), The Doctor (Doctor Who), Patrick Jane (The Mentalist), and Dr. Henry Morgan (Forever). All of these characters are my role models in a sense. I look up to them because they are dignified, confident, and can hold their ground - something I wish I could do. Plus, on a smaller note, I like their style of clothes.
When I speak, I sometimes stutter or fail to express what I meant to say. Also, I don't really like the sound of my voice and can't speak loudly. People often fail to understand what I say because I speak softly. Hopefully this will change as I age. Speaking of talking, I don't mind being quiet, but when teachers require you to talk in order to earn your grade, that presents a problem. Usually, I'll do it because I have to and get an okay grade, but it's just not preferable. Participation in discussion or presentation shouldn't be counted as part of your average for a class. Some people just have social issues and panic when forced to speak. The issue can build up, too. Luckily, this doesn't apply extremely to me, but it does apply to an extent.
Although I've said it countless times before, I will say it again - time passes so quickly. Blink and an hour passes, or a day, a week, etc. There's just three more weeks until American Thanksgiving, in which I'll have a week off from school. After that, another three weeks and Christmas as well as the New Year arrives. Another semester will have gone by with me just attempting to save my grades with no idea of what I want for college.
Listening to: Nothing Left To Say - Imagine Dragons
Watching: Sleepy Hallow
Eating: Chips Ahoy